Tag Archives: Funny

Good Luck!

I wish people like Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Joe the Plumber, and Sarah Palin much success. They are the best thing to happen to the Democratic party.

by pintomp3, seen on Digg

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Whose Clues? Blue’s Clues!

Rarely does an entire day pass without me watching at least some span of the Noggin channel.  The host of Noggin, the animated Moose A. Moose, is my daughter’s favorite.  She’s gone through phases of enjoying Pinky Dinky Doo, The Backyardigans, and Jack’s Big Music Show, but she has been captivated by Moose since she was just 4 months old.   She also has shown a lot of interest in Dora the Explorer.  

Steve: Lame, But He Knows It

Steve: Lame, But He Knows It, Thus, Cool

Lately, due mostly to Noggin’s schedule change, she’s been watching a lot of Blue’s Clues.  At first, I hated this show.  It’s about as dumbed down as a show can get, at first glance.  But lately, I’ve been realizing something: I’ve picked up a lot of sign language in passing glances. 

Blue’s Clues is not that interesting.  As a show, it’s really basic, and not very interesting.  Unlike, say, Sponegbob Squarepants, where after 40 seconds, if the kid walks away, I watch the rest, Blue’s Clues is completely boring.  I’ll happily shut it off.  And yet, when she is watching, I love that she’s getting the sign.  

I have to admit that I like Steve much better than Joe.  Steve  was natural with sign language.  And he seemed genuine, if possible.  He was a normal dude, just chillin’ with his animated dog Blue, who apparently, would only communicate via elaborate clues to a master puzzle.  The whole thing was very normal, in an “I have an animated blue dog who leaves me clues to answer simple questions which I figure out whilst signing and then track in a notepad for future reference” kind of way.  

Steve was also a very routine oriented guy.  Same shirt, every day: none of this new-fangled several colors nonsense.  Also, he didn’t grin all the time like a complete tool. 

 

Joe: Thinks He's Cool, Is Actually D-Bag

Joe: Thinks He's Cool, Is Actually D-Bag

But Joe sucks.  Joe is always giving a stupid, goofy grin that deserves a slap.   Unlike Steve, who seemed generally laid back did a great job of hosting a kid’s show, Joe was a trying-too-hard pretty-boy who spent his time hosting Blue’s Clues living in Steve’s big shadow.  Aside from having a much more polished and “I wanna be an actor” finish, he was so effortful in his performance that it came off as both condescending and tiring.  His silly oversmiling and unnatural “side running” is so odd looking it leaves me wanting to take Steve out for a beer, just for not sucking so much.  

I think Joe is an actor thrilled to have a gig, trying so hard to be good at it, and yet, coming off as so desperate it makes me roll my eyes.  Every emotion is so overplayed I’m sure my 14 month old must mutter “What a sodding twit” under her breath. 

Either way, Blue’s Clues, despite being entirely blowsome as a TV show, is pretty decent as an education tool, largely due to the amount of ASL mushed into the show.  If your kid has to watch something, you could do a lot worse than Blue’s Clues, which is likely why a show that ran from the mid nineties through 2005 or so is still aired several times a day.

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Hindsight is 20/20

Here’s a quick clip to remind everyone that when you treat those with opposing views with obnoxious contempt, you can almost certainly count on looking like at a douche at some point. Watch everyone laugh at Peter Schiff who very accurately predicts events back in 2006. Great stuff.

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SHOCKER!

Someone please explain this to me.  

It was actually hosted on whitehouse.gov, so this is not a Photoshop.  How did someone convince them this was for real?

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Impressions That’ll Knock Your Socks Off

Howard Stern


Stewie Griffin


Michael Caine

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Cute Overload

Nom Nom Nom

"Nom Nom Nom"

Tell me, little bunny… is there anything a good oatmeal cookie can’t cure?

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Hmmm…

I’m a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight…..

If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you’re ‘exotic’ and ‘different.’

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you’re an American story.

If your name is Barack you’re a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, and you’re a maverick.

Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.

Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, then you’re well- grounded.

If you spend 3 years as a community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, help register 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, 8 years as a State Senator of a district of   750,000 people, chair the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people, sponsor 131 bills, and serve on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works, and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you don’t have any real leadership experience.

If your resume is:  local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town of 7,000 people, 2 years as governor of a state of 650,000 people, you’re qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 daughters, all within Protestant churches,  you’re not a real Christian.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, left your ill wife, and married the heiress the next month, you’re a Christian.

If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including the use of birth control, you erode the fiber of American society.

If you staunchly advocate abstinence-only education, while your teen daughter ends up pregnant, you’re responsible.

If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, you don’t represent America’s family values.

If your husband is called ‘First Dude’, has a DWI conviction, didn’t register to vote until 25, and was a member of a group that advocated secession of Alaska from the USA, yours is the quintessential American family.

And, finally, if you’re famous for your quick temper, you’re the one to have your finger on the red nuclear button.

OK, much clearer now.

I’m not sure the source of this, but it sure makes an interesting read.

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Oh Yeah!



oh yeah, originally uploaded by speedyjvw.

That Kool-Aid guy, who does he think he is? Just smashing through walls with no afterthought? Does he realize the mess that will need to be cleaned after his fat ass leaves?

I’ve had Kool-Aid, and while it’s generally pretty tasty – especially the purple – I’m not sure it’s worth smashing through the family room wall.

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The Most Boinga Post Ever

Boinga!

Boinga!

Unfortunately, having a baby around means that I often find myself watching shows such as “The Backyardigans”.  As someone who has, since I was very young, considered myself pretty in touch with music and appreciative of true musicians, I am strangely compelled by much of the music found in these shows.  For every ten terrible songs, there’s one or two good ones that are so catchy you’d never believe it.  But if you dig deep enough, you’ll find some interesting lyrics hidden within.  Lately, I’ve had several Backyardigans songs in my head, but one of them, the Alicia Keys’ backed “Almost Everything Is Boinga Here” has got me a little worried.  Let’s examine:     

Austin: Boinga’s a word we don’t understand.
Mommy Martian: Well, words are different in Martian Land.
Pablo: Well, we don’t know your language yet.
Austin: Maybe you could teach us?
Mommy Martian: Sure, you bet.
Baby Boinga: Boinga!

Mommy Martian: Almost everything is boinga here,
Just in case you hadn’t heard.
Almost everything is boinga here,
It’s the Martians’ favorite word.

Uniqua: Do you call these hands?
Mommy Martian: Nope, we call them boinga!
Austin: Do you use pots and pans?
Mommy Martian: Yup, we call them boinga!
Baby Boinga: Boinga!

Pablo: We wear hats on our heads.
Mommy Martian: Really? We wear boinga!
Uniqua: Do you guys sleep in beds?
Mommy Martian: Nope, we sleep in boinga!
Pablo: Hey!
Austin: That’s good.

Mommy Martian: Do your birds say boinga?
Uniqua: No, our birds say tweet!
Mommy Martian: Do your flowers smell boinga?
Pablo: No, they just smell sweet!
Mommy Martian: Do you walk on your boinga?
Austin: No, we walk on our feet!
Mommy Martian: Do you sit on your boinga?
Uniqua: No, we sit on our seat!

Baby Boinga: Boinga! Boinga!

Pablo: You certainly use that word a lot.
Mommy Martian: Well, it means a lot of things, so why not?
Austin: Is there anything boinga doesn’t mean?
Mommy Martian: Well maybe there is but not that I’ve seen.
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin: Almost everything is boinga here.
Mommy Martian: We boinga all boinga long.
Baby Boinga: Boinga!

Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin: Almost everything is boinga here.
Mommy Martian: So we boinga this boinga song.
Baby Boinga: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin:Boinga this boinga
Mommy Martian: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin:Boinga this boinga
Mommy Martian: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin:This boinga song!
Mommy Martian: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin:Boinga this boinga
Mommy Martian: Boinga!
Pablo, Uniqua, and Austin: Boinga this boinga
Baby Boinga: Boinga! Boinga! Boinga!

Alright. So let’s take a closer look at few lines, shall we?  Let’s start with this one: “We boinga all boinga long.”  Aside from the fact that – I promise you – way too many dirty-minded people are going to interpret this as  “we f#@% all night long,” partly because “boinga” sounds a lot like “boing,” which is colloquially used as a cleaner version of “screw,” it proves that the word “boinga” is both a noun and a verb.  Once we concede that Martians use “boinga” as a univeral verb and a universal noun, it contradicts earlier sentences.  

Shouldn’t “Do your birds say boinga?” be “Do your boinga say boinga?” Actually, given the verb, shouldn’t it be “Do your boinga boinga boinga?”   Shouldn’t that whole verse be mostly “boingas?”  In fact, why is the word “do” allowed? “Boinga your boinga boinga boinga” just doesn’t make a lot of sense.  Stupid Martians. 

Let’s assume that we can get over Mommy Martian’s arbitrary use of the word boinga as a replacement for some words but not others.  Why would Martians refer to Mars as “Martian Land?” Have you ever refered to our planet as “Earthling Land?” Of course, because it’s just weird

Also, the Martian Mommy seems awfully fluent in English, and yet, she doesn’t know what birds say or how flowers smell.  She can sing an impromptu song, but appears entirely unaware of the words “sweet,” “feet,” “seat,” or “tweet.”   

Also, do you find it a smidge naive that Austin and Pablo seem to believe that they are capable of learning the native language in “Martian Land” in the course of one 2 minute song?  …and do?

This is the line that kills me: “So we boinga this boinga song.”  Please! You can’t convince me that many young moms and dads don’t hear “So we sing this fuckin’ song.” 

Who said childrens’ songs were boring?

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