Tag Archives: Douche Bag

Hindsight is 20/20

Here’s a quick clip to remind everyone that when you treat those with opposing views with obnoxious contempt, you can almost certainly count on looking like at a douche at some point. Watch everyone laugh at Peter Schiff who very accurately predicts events back in 2006. Great stuff.

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Damn, Dustin Diamond is a Douche

Somehow, I’m embarassed to admit, I got sucked into watching VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club this weekend. Normally, I find the show to be an uninteresting train wreck. Over Christmas break, a few of us were sitting around in front of the TV and I caught several episodes in a row where Dustin Diamond, the guy who played Screech on Saved By the Bell, mouthed off to the drill seargant and got himself the title of “bad boy.” To make a long story short, he became a pain the ass by continuing to eat cheeseburgers and generally annoy everyone throughout the “season.” He also made a very loud and obnovious point to pimp his sex tape – yes, seriously – at every opportunity.

Fast forward to this weekend, when they are airing “Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp.” In some weird twist, they have “brought back” some previous contestants (read: cheap Omarosa-style publicity stunt) to revisit the Fit Club. Now, unlike a show like The Biggest Loser, where contestants work out, eat healthy, live on set, and lose up to 12 to 15 lbs or more each week, these celebutards are given fluff goals like 1 or 2 lbs to lose each week, and they routinely fail because it’s a joke: they show up for a day or two each week, they eat whatever the hell they want, regularly talking about how they fell short, and admit to working out a day or two each week. It’s not a “fit club,” it’s a few attention-starved chunky idiots who can’t stick to a diet.

Anyway, leave it to worthless Dustin Diamond to start his princess behavior again. After carrying on, he let the “drill seargant” get to him when he quit…again. He quit one challenge before it started. He quit another when he claimed to be “out of lung capacity.” Then he skimped on a third the WWE “Divas” hosted. He claims they pushed him too hard and then, when the drill seargant said he wanted the WWE Divas to kick his butt, he suggested he couldn’t be a party to an illegal threat of violence.

But the part that kills me is how Diamond is suggesting that he’s being targetted because he’s Jewish and not because he’s en effing pansy. He’s a whiny, arrogant, big fat baby and he acts like a spoiled child who needs to be shipped off to military school. Every insult – for which these shows are known! – prompts a phone call to his lawyer or to his “manager” (aka his wife). It has nothing to do with being Jewish, Dustin, it has to do with being a grade A douche bag.

Dustin Diamond is effing worthless. He, much like the previously mentioned Omarosa, should never be allowed on TV again. Reality TV may be the crack of programming, but there are some people who are best left completely ignored. Dustin Diamond is one of them.

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Congressman Assumed to be Fool Removes All Doubt

The headline actually reads: “Congressman: ‘I Fear … We Will Have Many More Muslims In The United States’,” but it might as well read the same as my headline. Rep. Virgil Goode, a Virginian Republican, uttered this masterpiece. These are the words of a coward. The words of a rascist. The words of a fool. And what’s worse, there’s nothing more unpatriotic than uttering a phrase like that.

You see, I read stuff like this ridiculous comment online all the time. Let me quote “Answeil Vachette (R) Va.”: “America is Christianity.It is the 4th largest religion in the world.This nation was founded on Christianity.It is the fact.

Where do people come up with this stuff? Anyone who has studied history ought to know better. I often hear people mutter this nonsense about America being founded by white Christians in the Christian vein, but it WASN’T (1) (2) (3) (4). I don’t care what you read online. It was founded by people fleeing religious persecution who went to great lengths to NOT write any religion into the constituion and laws. In fact, religion is mentioned twice in the Constitution, once in the first amendment which prohibits laws “respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” and once in Article VII, which forbids “reigious tests” for public office. The brilliant authors of this document, the Founding Fathers, couldn’t have foreseen us destroying their intentions and forsaking their well-intentioned documents hundreds of years later.

Laws are intended to sway with the times, and laws are easy to repeal. The Constitution is the backbone of the US, and it is decidedly NOT Christian in nature. The only valid argument, I suppose, is that the basis of the morals set forth in the Constitution is Judeo-Christian in nature. So be it, I suppose. It’s not far-fetched to imagine that most Western cultures have the same basic set of morals for grounding, and I don’t think it really implies a tie to religion.

Getting back to ol’ Congressman Virgil Goode, his words reflect a xenophobia that I see more and more of, and it makes me sick. It exposes the poison deep-seeded in the veins of the US today, and it’s pathetic. It embarasses all of us, and pretty much proves that the decline of the US is inevitable, because we have turned on ourselves and destroyed everything that made this nation great. We were once a nation that said “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.” Remember that little ditty? It’s inscribed on the Statue of Liberty! At some point, that mentality made us a great nation. But Virgil Goode — a rotten, cowardly shell of a man — thinks he knows better.

America, we ought to be ashamed of ourselves. And we should be ashamed that people like Virgil Goode represent us. And we should be ashamed that our mindset is getting to sound an awful lot like Nazi Germany.

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Father Demonstrates That He Is Complete Douche Bag

Just when you think that no one could be a bigger douche bag than Ted Haggard, along comes Dan Hinkle to prove you wrong. Here’s the gist of it:

Dan Hinkle is the commissioner of a Fairfax, VA football league. His son plays for one of the teams, the South County Raptors. One day, head coach James Owens, pays Dan Hinkle’s son Scott on offense instead of defense, and is instantly fired. Turns out Hinkle had a rule: his son plays every minute of every game all season or the league goes bye bye. And, sure enough, he stood by his word. He immediately disbanded the league right before the championship leaving almost 4000 12-14 year olds with no post-season whatsoever. Everything just went – BOOM! – and went away.

First off, if I were a 12-14 year old in Fairfax playing for this league, I’d get my buddies together to beat the @!#% out of little Scott Hinkle. That poor kid – his father should know better. How will his friends look at him now that they know that when he didn’t get his playtime, his daddy pulled the plug on the entire league. What a sad sack. Sadly for Scott, this is how playground rules work. I would never socialize with this kid solely because his father is a complete douche.

Secondly, as a parent, I’d organize an unsanctioned title tournament for everyone that is outside the control of this clown Hinkle. Then I’d make every effort to make sure the entire community knows that parents like this are the problem. They teach their kids everything that is wrong with America today. Entitlement – that you have some sort of right. Sportsmanship – that it’s ok if everything is about you despite everyone else. Teamwork – all for one, one for one.

I feel bad for Scott Hinkle, I do. But I hope someone punches Dan Hinkle square in his nose.

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Linky see, linky do.

More links assembled from the annals of the browser history of AS.

Goodbye Microsoft, Pete has now left the building
A fellow Floridian, an Microsoft insider, describes why he finally ditched Microsoft and Windows for Apple and Ruby-on-Rails. For the record, I still think Rails is a fad. It’s very cool, but the catch is, ya gotta learn Ruby to use it. A lot of these frameworks are very powerful and great RAD tools, but I’m sticking with PHP5 for now.

Do NOT watch this
*Suriously*. It’ll make you dizzy, and you’ll feel a hollowness in your stomach. I don’t usually get queezy, this is the worst video I’ve seen in ages. Yikes.

“We Have Not Forgotten, Mr. President.”
Keith Olberman tears President Bush a new arse.

Asshat flies out of truck
Truck + Dunes + Guy being douche-bag = ?

Why Vista will be the end of Microsoft
Of course, we all know it won’t be. On the contrary, it will be a success. But I agree, it will certainly be the first chipping of the wall. Start the timer. Microsoft’s dominance will be majorly altered in the next decade.

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Right Wing Clueless Asshat

So, one of my favorite sites, The Onion, is a satire magazine. The entire website (and before that, faux newspaper) are ficticious, and most of the time, it’s both hilarious and painfully obvious. So when I stumbled on This piece of work, some brainless conservative finger-waggin nutsack chastising a ficticious woman, Caroline Webber (remember: ficticious!), for celebrating an abortion, I had to laugh. You see, the piece itself parodies the conservative pro-lifers beliefs about pro-choicers. It’s entirely sarcastic.

But this moron if having none of that. He’s not realized that the article is fake, not done any research and found that the Onion, which nearly all skilled internetters know is a humor site, is a humor site, and has embarassed himself by quite sternly responding to …a joke. Nice work, you stegasaurus.

…But wait! It gets better!! In his follow up post, Pete explains that he thinks that “Ms. Webber’s” exaggeration hasn’t gone far enough, because he meets people like that in the field “all the time,” and therefore, the content is believable. Take a second to read this comment, it sums up PERFECTLY what I think we’re all feeling: if this douche can’t tell that this is satire, is he qualified to judge women? Should we even let this asshat remain a part of our society? Man, ultra right wingers make me laugh.

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